Better Than Me
by November Rain 19
Summary: Song fic. Miley is thinking about how Lilly deserves someone better. Lilly is thinking how she is losing her best friend. Liley.
1. Better Than Me

**A/N: Been kicking around in my head for a while, just hadn't gotten around to it. Songfic to 'Better Than Me' by Hinder. I'm looking at the song as wishful thinking on Miley's part, i.e.: she and Lilly have never dated...though it can be read that they did. Lyrics are single spaced. Past events are in italics. First HM fic. Please be gentle.**

**Disclaimer: Hannah Montana and related characters or the song do not belong to me. I wish they did. I'd make Liley real. The only things that belong to me are the mistakes :)**

**Warning: One sided girl/girl crush. Turn back now if this disturbs you.**

* * *

Better Than Me

By Melissa

[Miley's POV]

I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be

I have been avoiding my bedroom.

I haven't slept in it for many nights, instead turning the couch into a make shift bed. I am always up before Dad and Jackson, so they won't know I've been camping out. I hide the pillows and comforter in the morning and drag them out each evening after they have gone to bed.

It's just too soon for me to go back.

I realize that I have to grab a stupid book from the shelf in my bedroom for some homework. Sighing deeply, I prepare myself. I stop at the threshold and survey the scene.

The room is exactly how I left it. The bed sheets are still rumpled and unmade, the only reminder left of the last night she spent here.

I want to fall into those sheets and inhale, pretending that there is still some semblance of her scent there. Hold the pillow like I long to hold Lilly Truscott in my arms.

The lower left corner of the bed was a spot she used to shed her night clothes in the mornings after our sleepovers. It was one of many constants when it came to Lilly. A smile ghosts across my lips, but it is quickly replaced by sadness. Out of my peripheral vision, I could almost swear the garments were still there.

I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you

Things had been going south for a while. My alter ego is mostly to blame. In a way, I am surprised we held our friendship together as long as we did. I know the only reason for it was how much we loved each other.

And how much I was…am in love with her.

I told her she would always come first. I tried…I tried so hard.

She was so patient with me too. More than I deserved.

The last time she walked out, I promised I wouldn't miss her at all. It was just easier to lie to myself about something I knew could never possibly be true.

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

I miss the way her hair would tickle my face when we would lay next to one another in my bed. I would be so close that I caught the scent of her shampoo and body wash.

Sometimes, when I knew Lilly was absolutely fast asleep, I would place a small kiss on her cheek. She's the best thing I have ever tasted. I never had enough nerve to do it while she was awake. I wish I could have.

Do you know how many hours of sleep I lost just watching her slumber at my side? It would be too many to count. I would cuddle into her and pray for unconsciousness. But my body was too interested in torturing me with her closeness.

While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room

I can't help looking through these old photographs of us and notes we'd pass together at school. I taped the damn box shut so many times, but just as surely would cut it open again.

Once again ripping open wounds that had only barely begun to heal.

I smile slightly as I come across a picture of my best friend in dress, one of very few in existence. We had gone to the mall, much to her dismay. But I wasn't going to let her go to the school dance in anything else.

_

* * *

_

I waited while she tried on a few of the dresses. I practically had to barricade her in there with threats of getting even more dresses.

"_Miles?"_

"_Yeah, Lil?"_

"_Could you help me for a second?"_

'_Oh God,' I think. I'm caught somewhere between wanting her to be decently dressed and wanting her to ~not~ be decently dressed._

_I enter the cubicle she was in after a soft knock on the door. Her back is to me, and she is holding up her gorgeous hair. The dress is a royal blue, with thin straps and a length that came down to mid thigh. The color will make her eyes stand out even more._

_I feel myself gulp audibly as I reach for the zipper. My fingers were shaking of their own accord, and there was no caffeinated beverage I could blame it on. I stop momentarily to give them a violent shake. _

_I slowly zip her up, trying in vain to contain the fluttering mass that was once considered my heart. And the desire to ravish her neck and shoulder. Or just wrap my arms around her midsection and never, ever let go._

_Lilly turned around and looks slightly sheepish. She never felt comfortable in dresses or skirts. I think my jaw fell open slightly._

"_That bad?" she asks._

_I blinked a few times, trying to put what I was feeling into a coherent sentence. _

"_You look…wow… Lil, you look stunning." I meant it more than she could know._

_My blonde friend arches her eyebrow. There wasn't many a time in my life where I had trouble with words._

_I take out my cell phone and take a picture with it before she can protest. I need to capture this moment._

* * *

When I had time, I printed it out on photo paper and stuck it this box that I was now softly crying over.

She had asked me for the picture once, saying she had wanted to give it to Oliver. I lied and said I had lost it. Now I hold it gently in my hands, like I am afraid it would disappear.

I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

I miss her as much as I miss my mom. She deserves better than me, though. Someone who is always there for her, not just when it is convenient.

The last time we spoke it had just been the latest in the long line of bickering and arguing. I had thrown myself into Hannah's work so hard I had been neglecting her. I figured if I had Hannah to distract me, I wouldn't focus on how much I was in love with her. And how much I was hurting her.

* * *

"_Miley!! I thought we were best friends!"_

"_Maybe you should just find a new one," I say bitterly. I don't want to fight either, but somehow I can't help it._

"_W-What?" Her voice sounds so broken that I die a little inside._

"_Lilly…maybe we…we shouldn't hang out anymore. All we do is fight…"_

"_Then let's not! Miles, I don't want to lose you…Tell me what's wrong! If I did something then I'm sorry. I'll fix it…"_

_She thought it was her fault. My sweet, wonderful Lilly thought it was her that wronged me; instead of the other way around._

"_Just leave, Lil. Forget it." In a softer voice, "Forget me."_

'_What the hell is wrong with you?!' my mind and heart scream at me._

_She's crying now, and I am close myself. She walks out of my room, and possibly out of my life all together._

* * *

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end

I fall forward onto the bed, the sheets are ice cold; and my tears are hot.

I wish I could take back every word I said in our last fight. I don't want her to leave. I do need her. I do miss her.

I am in love with Lilly.

I think about her all the time. I know it will fade, but never completely. She's called a handful of times, and I want so desperately to pick up the phone.

I won't though, because she's better off without me.

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

**The End**

**A/N: Thoughts? I might do a sequel to this. I've been reading so many happy ending Liley fics lately...**


	2. Letting Go

**A/N: Everyone was so nice about my first HM fic, I decided to continue it. The song is by Emerson Hart, and it gets to me every time I hear it. I really recommend purchasing it from your MP3 store of choice. Same as before: lyrics are single spaced, past events are in italics.**

**Disclaimer: Characters and the song mentioned within are not mine. Never will be. Only the mistakes are mine.**

**Warning: If the idea of a girl crushing on another bugs you, feel free to hit the back button on your browser. **

**Dedication: For B, because she cares even though I continue to prove I am an amazing weirdo. And to Lord Jellyfish, who wrote the longest (and one of the nicest) reviews I've ever received. And as of this August, I will have been on ff dot net for 9 years.**

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Letting Go

[Lilly's POV]

How long can we wait here  
To say goodbye?  
The words once they're spoken  
Are words that we can't take

I pity the person who has never loved someone more than themselves. To put their happiness above yours is perhaps the greatest single act one person can do for another.

I want Miley to be happy. It's all I ever wanted, if I ignore the fact that I wanted her to be happy being with me. And I'm talking about in more than just a best friend role.

I always feared she would hate me if I told her how I really felt. That I would lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But I never got the chance.

Miley doesn't want to be friends anymore.

…and I don't know why.

Back to where we were, before  
Things got in the way  
Life gets so confusing  
When you know what you're losing

I have never felt this kind of torture. This hurts worse than anything I've every experienced. More than the time I broke my arm skateboarding. More than the time my dad left my mother and I. More than the time she told me she had been living a double life.

I don't know if a higher power exists, but I would give anything for Miley and I to go back to the way we were, once upon a time. Before all the senseless fighting and bickering.

Before she asked me to get out of her life.

_

* * *

_

Miley entered her bedroom, where I was already lounging on her bed. My eyes are closed, but I heard her come in.

"_Lil?"_

_I decide to mess with her a little bit. I crinkled my brow and gripped the sheets. "Oooh Ashley…don't stop…"_

_I hear the sound of Miles choking on air as I burst out laughing._

_Her eyes are wide, and her accent is out in full force. "That's not funny at all! You don't know where she's been!!"_

_Miley is the first one I told that I'm interested in the fairer sex. I conveniently left out that I was in love with my dark haired best friend. And I wasn't referring to Oliver either. There was only so much I could spring on her all at once._

_I clutch my sides as tears roll down my cheeks from laughing so hard. She pretends she is annoyed, but she is smiling; both with her lips and her eyes._

"_Lilly, you know I love you, but please make better decisions when it comes to who you have a crush on."_

_I abruptly stop laughing and stare at her. She loves me, but not the same way I love her. If she only knew who I really was crushing for…_

"_Please," I say. "I have much better taste than that."_

_If only I could really tell her just how much._

_She walks over and sits next to me, pulling me into a side hug._

"_Good. I would hate to have to organize an intervention."_

_I chuckle, concentrating more on the places where her skin came in contact with mine._

You  
Me  
Why can't we see that there's  
More to love than we'll ever know  
Sometimes you're closer when you're  
Letting go  
I wish the best for you  
I wish the best for you

It's all just a bad dream, right? Any second she will call me to come over, and I will skate into her living room, where she will open the door for my 'landing.' We will do homework and chat about the latest school gossip. Maybe go to the beach where she will lay out on the sand like the goddess she is, while I pray the ocean water will cool the immense heat my body feels when I look upon her.

Right??

We'll both regret the hurting  
That we will do  
You'll learn to forget me  
And I'll try  
I'll try to forget...

I always wondered if there would be a time when Miley would move on. Maybe when we went to college or Hannah went on a crazy long tour. I would always dismiss those thoughts though. It was crazy talk. I believed we were solid, and would always be that way. She's the peanut butter to my jelly, the sand to my ocean…

…the key to my heart.

I can't pinpoint why things changed. We grew distant, with Hannah constantly coming between us. Eventually I stopped attending functions as Lola. It just wasn't worth it. I could barely get her to talk to me as ourselves, and even less as our alter egos.

She'll eventually forget about me; the skater chick from California; if she hasn't done so already. Her one time best friend and the person who loved her more than life itself.

I'll try to forget how I feel about her.

I know I will never succeed.

You  
Me  
Why can't we see that there's  
More to love than we'll ever know  
Sometimes you're closer when you're  
Letting go  
I wish the best for you  
I wish the best

_We were having a sleepover, like always. We settled down on her bed and got comfortable. I lay on my back and Miley curled into my side with her head near my shoulder and her arm thrown protectively across my midsection. I really hope she can't feel or hear how fast my heart is beating._

_She breaks the comfortable silence. "Have you ever been in love, Lil?"_

'_Oh God, why??' I think helplessly. 'So not funny.' I stare at the ceiling, convinced someone, somewhere, is having a good laugh at my expense._

_I clear my suddenly parched throat. "No," I lie. I can't tell her. Not yet. "Have you?" I query. _

_She's quiet for a few moments, and pulls me closer to her; if that is even possible. _

"_I…I don't know…"_

_This is surprising, and I arch an eyebrow at her, but remain quiet. I don't push and we just hold each other. _

_That was the last of the conversation that night. _

_Slumber eventually found me, but much after it had claimed her. I watched her form for an indeterminate amount of time. A favorite pastime of mine, one I never get tired of._

_Sometime in the very early morning hours, I was caught between sleeping and waking. I feel something soft ghost across my cheek. _

_I smile._

_What a beautiful dream…_

* * *

There's more to love than any of us can comprehend. I don't pretend to know why I feel this way, just that I do.

If you ever need a place that you can run to  
I'll be here, I'll be here

Please, Miley. Don't throw us away. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you.

Tell me what I did wrong. I'll fix it. I'll do anything.

Please…

I've called her a few times, but she doesn't pick up. I honestly didn't think she would, but I did it anyway. There is no point in leaving a message she probably won't listen to.

I continue to cry as I put down my phone.

I wish the best for you, Miles. I always have. I always will.

I guess I will have to learn how to let you go.

You  
Me  
Why can't we see that there's  
More to love than we'll ever know  
Sometimes you're closer when you're  
Letting go  
I wish the best for you  
I wish the best for you

**The End?**

**

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A/N: Thoughts? Shall I do one last chapter?

**Quote: "It's the most amazing thing when two strangers become the best of friends, but its so sad when the best of friends become two strangers."**


End file.
